Resolution
by maej26
Summary: Can Alex fulfill his New Year's resolution before time runs out?


**Title:** Resolution  
**Pairing:** Mike "The Miz" Mizanin & Alex Riley  
**Rating:** T

**Summary:** Can Alex fulfill his New Year's resolution before time runs out?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the premise.

**A/N:** Merry Christmas :)

* * *

One sentence, one promise to himself, has haunted Alex Riley all year long. He had every intention of fulfilling the resolution, trying on more than one occasion to do so but now time is running out. As it always seems to go, the days turned into weeks, the weeks into months and now almost a year to the day later, Alex is still trying to find the courage, the words.

Alex remembers the party as if it were yesterday. He remembers it as if he's always there, frozen in time. It's a big room, tall ceilings, a wall of windows with a view of the Hollywood hills. But you can't see past the blackened divide, the night too dark and the room too bright. Nearly everything in it is white – the walls, the bookshelves, and even the grand piano that a number of guests have gravitated to as they immerse themselves in cocktails and left over Christmas carols.

This isn't Alex. This isn't who he is or how he would ever choose to spend his New Year's Eve. But for quite some time, he hasn't had a choice. He had been invited to the bash by a friend, his best friend. To no surprise of his own, Alex replied with a resounding yes. And it wasn't a yes that harbored resentment towards the man for having to do something he would rather skip, but a yes filled with hope and potential. Alex was willing to follow Mike anywhere just to be close to him, even if the man was already close to someone else.

Alex mingles for a couple hours waiting for his friend. He glances to the entrance countless times and with each blink he can only think it's one blink closer to Mike's arrival. And finally he does arrive.

No one seems to mind that he's late, fashionably so even, because it only emphasizes his glamorous lifestyle. But Alex knows it was never Mike's intention to be so tardy. He knows the man would have preferred spending the time catching up with friends he rarely gets to see. The woman on his arm, however, is the one with the ulterior motive. She's the one who wanted to make the impression and in the tight red number she's wearing, how could she not? All the men are drawn to her but Alex's focus is slightly skewed.

The object of his attention is wearing a three-piece suit. It's expensive without making Mike look pompous. The man is straight up classy. And the man is personable. His smile radiates throughout the room, the white interior seeming to shine a spotlight on him. His presence is magnetic, and no one feels the effect more so than Alex.

The couple make their way through the crowd, engaging in conversation about family with some and small talk with others. Mike gives each person his undivided attention and Alex can't wait until it's his turn. He watches Mike guide his girlfriend down the line, his hand placed on the small of her back. Maryse whispers something in Mike's ear every now and then and when Mike smiles, Alex can't help but smile too.

The clock winds down. It's getting closer to midnight and people are getting excited. But not Alex. He remains stoic as he leans against the bar. Never has understood why the start of the new year is such a big deal. He's convinced it's just the alcohol that makes everyone entirely too giddy, and perhaps a certain few like to delude themselves into thinking that everything they've done, or failed to do, in the last twelve months will be put behind them; as if a new year negates the previous one.

Alex diverts his attention from Mike as he turns to the bartender for a refill and when he turns back around, his friend's no longer there. He searches the room until his sights fall on the handsome man once again and Alex is relieved to have found him.

Mike's in a corner, cloaked in shadows, talking to his girlfriend. No, he's not talking to her, he's arguing with her. Or rather, she's arguing with him. Alex grows concerned. Without taking his eyes off Mike, he places his glass on the bar and starts to walk towards his friend. He's not sure what he'll do, if anything. He just feels like he's needed.

As he makes his way through the sea of people, a countdown begins.

"Ten…Nine…"

The boisterous bunch stagger in all directions, blocking Alex's path to Mike but he's undeterred and by the count of two, Alex breaks free to the other side. And it's just in time for an eruption of jubilation to emanate through the air. It's just in time for him to see Maryse walk away from Mike and no one else notices because they're all busy kissing and ringing in the new year with a mixture of cheers and applause.

Alex stands there saddened for his friend. Maryse didn't kiss him. She threw away a moment Alex would never have taken for granted. Mike deserves to be kissed every day and at every opportunity. Steal a kiss if you have to and never refuse one when it's expected.

It was then that Alex made his New Year's resolution. For the first time, he could actually envision making Mike happy. Somehow it became plausible. And in that moment he made a promise to himself that he would tell Mike how he felt, no matter the risk, no matter the cost.

That first day, the first day of the new year, Alex was determined. He was energized by his resolve but every day that past him by, discouragement spread like an infection. Alex resented himself more and more with each failed attempt at telling Mike the truth and soon, depression took hold.

The resentment Alex felt towards himself festered until it turned into anger. He couldn't talk to Mike without lashing out at the guy and it wasn't long until they didn't speak at all. Mike had to leave to make a movie and Alex was suddenly forced to face a reality without his friend in it. For months, Mike was no longer down the hall or at the venues. He was no longer available, and Alex realized he had taken his time with Mike for granted. He thought back to the party and remembered how angry he was at Maryse for treating Mike so poorly and now he was guilty of doing the same thing.

With this realization, Alex finally confronted his demons. He finally came to terms with why it was so hard for him to tell Mike the truth. It was the fear of rejection. The prospect of it was debilitating. If Mike were to reject him, it would be over. There would be nothing left; nothing to hold onto. Alex has always found refuge in believing that the _possibility_ was always there but to throw that away, it would hurt more than being denied. But being selfish and driving Mike away when the man's done nothing wrong, that's proven to be the worst kind of hurt.

When Mike returned from filming his movie, Alex began to mend their broken relationship. It wasn't the same as it once was; it was going to take time but Alex was just so grateful that Mike gave him a second chance. Over the next few months, Alex was still determined to explain his reasons for pushing Mike away but this time around, when the words refused to form, he would take it in stride and try again later. But Alex couldn't have known just how long he'd have to wait to have another _later_. He had to undergo multiple surgeries and take a leave of absence. Another two months without an ounce of progress. Communication lessened and his relationship with Mike was once again fragmented.

Alex returned just in time for the holidays. His commitment to finally admitting his feelings for Mike was stronger than ever but still not strong enough.

Now, Alex only has a week left but he figures he'll wait until after Christmas, that way the holiday won't forever be spoiled by heartache and disappointment. That's the excuse of the day anyway.

There's a knock at the door of Alex's hotel room. He wasn't expecting any visitors but when he's met with the bright blue eyes he hasn't seen in what feels like forever, he couldn't be happier.

"Hey," Alex says, greeting his friend with a warm smile. Mike looks older, more mature. Part of Alex thinks it's because he's seen him so seldom over the course of the year but he hopes it's just because of his new style. His hair combed back, his face unshaven, and he looks more beautiful than Alex remembers.

"Do you have a minute?" Mike asks.

"Sure thing," Alex answers, leading Mike into the room. "What's up?" he asks, turning to face his friend.

Mike takes a deep breath and reaches into his breast pocket. He pulls out a tiny black box and opens it slowly, a loud creak slicing through the quiet room.

Alex's smile fades. His heart rate quickens. For a moment, he can feel what it would have been like in another world where he was someone else, someone who could have been on the receiving end of that ring and it feels like déjà vu. It feels right. But the ring is too small, too feminine. It's not for him and it never will be.

Alex sighs. "So, you're going to ask her to marry you," he acknowledges solemnly and it's so hard for him to be anything but disappointed, but he tries.

"What do you think?"

A lump forms in the base of Alex's throat and he knows he waited too long. His chance has past him by. "It doesn't matter what I think."

"Sure it does."

Alex shakes his head, doesn't know how to respond.

Mike rolls his eyes. "It's lame. Proposing on Christmas. It's too predictable, isn't it?"

On the contrary, this is the last thing Alex would have ever expected to happen. His hands start to tremble so he buries them in his pockets before Mike has a chance to notice. "I think women like that kind of thing," he says, cringing at the sound of his own voice.

"I was kind of hoping you'd want to be my best man."

Alex furrows his brow. Imagines standing next to Mike as he exchanges vows with someone else and it feels like he's dying inside. "I don't know, Mike. Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?" he remarks bitterly, just wants to escape.

"You think she'll say no?" Mike worries.

Alex scoffs. "She'll say yes."

"Then what's the problem?"

Alex crosses his arms over his chest. He shrugs, doesn't say anything. What could he say?

Mike tries to capture Alex's attention but the man refuses to focus on him. "Are we still friends?"

"Of course we're still friends."

"Then why are you acting so distant again?" asks Mike.

"I don't mean to be."

Mike closes the box and returns it to the inside pocket of his jacket. "She's a good person," he says.

"I know," Alex agrees. And maybe if the fight he witnessed on New Year's Eve had happened on a recurring basis, Alex would be able to put up some kind of fight of his own against the woman but that's never been the case.

"She loves me."

"I know," Alex says, lowering his head. "And you love her."

Mike is quiet and still and Alex looks up to the guy, wonders why he didn't respond.

"I met someone else while we were together," Mike reveals. "And I fell in love."

Alex hasn't even had time to process the full extent of his loss and now Mike adds to his despair. He feels numb. He's transported back to the party again. Sees all those faces beaming with joy, and at the time he really did think it was just the effects of the alcohol. But now, he only has one hope at feeling normal again. Maybe the reason they were all so happy is because they knew something he didn't. That it _is_ possible for a new year to wash away the old one and with it, all the regrets and heartache. But that's still a week away, and right now, Alex's heartache only intensifies with each pounding beat. He can't even look at Mike anymore. Not that it matters; Mike isn't looking at Alex either.

"We connected on an emotional level that I didn't think could be possible. We never even kissed and in a way, that made it worse. I felt guilty and had to tell Maryse about it, because I owed it to her."

"I never knew there was someone else," Alex says, dejected.

"It was too hard to talk about. It doesn't matter anyway, it was impossible."

"Yeah," Alex breathes, knows the feeling all too well.

"But Maryse was understanding and patient with me and now I guess I'm just trying to do right by her."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"The truth. How you feel about it. If you think it would be a mistake."

Alex stares at Mike. Say it, he demands of himself but the words defy him at the exact moment they're needed the most. The wrong words never seem to have a problem though. "Why do you even care what I think?"

"Because we used to be able to talk about anything," Mike says. He's hurt and confused by Alex's refusal to communicate. "What happened to us?"

Alex embraces a tacit stance. It's not about rejection anymore, he's already felt its callous touch twice in the brief exchange. He can't speak because if he does, he'll break in half.

Mike shakes his head, pursing his lips together and reluctantly giving up his attempt at a conversation.

Alex feels himself start to crumble as Mike walks away. The room tightens around him. Every dream he ever had mocks him as he helplessly watches the one person he knows he'll ever love reach for the doorknob. He silently screams out to him not to go and his knees almost give out when it appears as if Mike's heard him. Alex is mesmerized by the sight. Mike frozen in place, facing the door that almost took him away.

"It was you," Mike confesses quietly. "You were the person I fell in love with."

The weight of the compounding air around Alex vanishes. It's the most surreal moment of his existence. He almost doubts that any of this is real. But it is. The few seconds of silence feel like an eternity and Alex wouldn't dare ruin it by talking.

"I told her about you and she was really supportive. I could tell that she didn't want to lose me but when she found out I invited you to the New Year's Eve party last year, she didn't take it well."

Alex nibbles on the inside of his bottom lip, completely engrossed in every word Mike utters. He blinks back tears. It's the words, it's the sound of Mike's voice – raw and emotional – it's the courage he demonstrates. It's impressive and inspirational, and it's all the more reason for Alex to love him.

"She gave me an ultimatum that night. It was either someone I could never have or her…and when I chose you, I know it hurt her."

Alex brings his hands up to wipe the corner of his eye. Wonders how he could have been so blind to what had unfolded right before his eyes.

"But she backed off, she gave me space and time. And I was going to tell you, but you started to feel so far away and that's when I started to talk myself out of it. There was already this rift between us and I couldn't risk making it any bigger."

Alex can't believe what he's hearing. It's his own story and yet, it's because of him that Mike even has a story to tell. He starts to walk closer to Mike and the man doesn't even notice. His eyes are shut tight as he bears the whole of his soul.

"But I guess it didn't matter anyway because you never even called me when I was gone. Two months and nothing. But she was there. She came to the set everyday she could, telling me she wanted to work it out and I know she wants to marry me."

There's another few moments of silence as Mike collects his thoughts and Alex is close enough to hear the quiver of the man's breath.

"I think about you all the time," Mike whispers, not even sure if Alex can hear him but being as close as Alex is, he definitely can. "I don't know why this won't stop."

Alex raises his hand like he's going to hold Mike but he almost feels like he doesn't deserve to touch the guy after causing him so much pain. He knows this is all his fault. He could have avoided the unnecessary suffering if he would have done what he promised he was going to do, and now he'll never get the chance because Mike's done it for him. It's just something else he'll have to deal with but it'll be the last in a long line of failures as far as his relationship with Mike is concerned.

Mike sniffles loudly, tries to compose himself. "I don't know what I was expecting. I knew you weren't going to try to stop me from marrying her," he says. "I guess that's what I wanted though. But asking you to be my best man was pushing it too far. So, you don't have to worry about that and you don't have to worry about me bothering you anymore either."

Mike opens the door to leave but his effort is met with a force that stops him. Alex has reached past Mike, his hand pressing against the door, pushing it closed. Mike sighs heavily. He can feel how close Alex is to him, his warmth surrounding him, his breath on his neck.

"I'm sorry," Alex whispers against Mike's ear. "I never meant to push you away."

Mike tilts his head into Alex.

"Don't marry her," Alex begs.

"Why not?"

"Because you don't belong with her."

"Who do I belong with?"

"Me," Alex breathes.

Mike turns around slowly and as he does, he brings his hands up to Alex's face, connecting with him as their lips meet. The hand Alex had been resting against the door moves to the back of Mike's head. He holds Mike close as they melt into a collision that marks the start of a healing process they so desperately yearn for.

Alex doesn't want to let go and he can tell Mike doesn't want to either so he kisses the man as long as Mike's willing and able. And the simple fact that Mike _is_ willing to kiss Alex after the tumultuous year they've experienced, is comforting, reassuring. It tells Alex that he'll be forgiven for all the emotional turmoil caused by his procrastination.

Alex moves with Mike as if they're dancing and for the last time, he thinks about the party. Everyone's sipping on martinis and a myriad of mixed drinks, losing themselves in the last minutes of the last day of the year and Alex knows there's not one person who actually believes their transgressions and misdeeds will dissolve with the vanishing seconds. As he gets drunk on Mike's impassioned kiss, he's still cognitive enough to know the start of the new year won't erase the guilt he feels. He knows it won't automatically excuse the mistakes he's made but as long as Mike's with him, at least Alex can see over the horizon to a day when he'll be able to forgive himself.


End file.
